One day you’ll be bending over (we don’t judge), and you’ll have the pathetic realization that you’re already at a physical state where breaking a hip is not out of the question. It is at this moment that you must exercise. Luckily for your lazy ass, you have a couple options for breaking a sweat.
The MAC (Undergrad Gym)
If you get sorted into Kirkland, Lowell, Eliot, or Winthrop you have no excuse to not go because the MAC is literally five inches from you. Even if you’re not, the MAC is in easy walking distance from most freshmen dorms. Don’t let the too-into-it exercise groups that meet outside the front doors discourage you from finding out where the hell they keep the pool. Some of the machines even have TVs, so you can pretend to care about your well-being while watching the Food Network.
Hemenway (Law School Gym)
A favorite for kids living in the north end of the yard, Hemenway is located on Mass Ave behind the Science Center. The gym is free with a student ID and has tons of exercise classes for people of all skill levels, so you can share collectively in the pain that is Balletone. One downside: the über-intense law school students will make your fitness routine look like bad interpretive dance. These people are bananas. Like, running a half-marathon while listening to audio recordings of their own textbooks-bananas. Yes. Be afraid.
Participate in an IM Sport
For God’s sake, please do IMs so the rest of us can stop getting barraged with emails about IMs. It’s a way to meet people! And a way to potentially embarrass yourself in front of your crush, which (knowing you) is definitely a thing that could happen. And to be fair, they can be a lot of fun. Sometimes, the IMs aren’t even that competitive: more of a a show up, move a little, and earn points for your house type of situation (shout-out IM Spelling Bee).
Okay. You can make fun of HUDS for the occasional lackluster dish. But there is no way to deny that Annenberg has healthy options. There is a massive salad bar. There is fruit. There is grilled chicken. There is freaking CUCUMBER WATER. What’s that you say? There’s only one hot vegetable option? Bitch, please. You know what the hot vegetable options are at schools across the Charles? French fries and microwaved Candy Corn. You have it good, compadre.
Run Along the Charles River
Ugh. Classic. Literally everyone talks about running along the Charles. Hard truth: approximately 10% of these people will actually do so. Positives: beautiful scenery, beautiful running paths, (occasionally) beautiful weather. Downsides: everyone in Cambridge will see why your stride made your eighth grade gym teacher “…just…just a little uncomfortable.” It’s also windy as fuck. But hey. If you collapse from exhaustion, the heavyweight crew team would not be the worst last thing you see.